Really?!

This is what i get, the first day of trying to see the positive side of things and im shot down. Now that i look at it i saw it coming, i even kinda helped but i guess im was to busy trying to be happy. this is exactly why i grow more distant. it sucks getting hurt and yeah i’ll get over it but lke damn why does my luck have to be this bad. i’ll never understand. i’m more mad at myself, im telling myself “thats what you get for letting your guard down retard.” maybe im overthink. im hoping but why set myself up for false hope. im done.

Posted on May 31, 2012 with 2 notes

What do I want?!

I dont know anymore it seems that im caught between so many things that i dont even know what i truly want. i tried just going with my gut and figuring it out but i over think everything and pussy out. then when i think about it and attempt to weigh out the outcomes something throws it all off. I’m confused i dont know what i want and i know if i dont do anything im going to lose. But im not sure some part of me is honestly afraid, afraid that i’ll live up to my failures, afraid that im just not enough.Afraid to get hurt. Whats wrong with me. Why were things so much simpler back then. I dont even know where to start. I cant belive it but im actually doubting myself. i know what im capable of but when it comes to things like this i panic , i over analyze things and im back to where i started. They say good things come to those who wait, well what the hell ive waited and in the end im just worse off than i started. I feel overwhelmed but everything. i just dont know what to do. i feel like giving up but my pride is the only thing stopping me from that. just in the end its really what do i want and how im i going to obtain that. I honestly feel tho that im going to have to endure alot more just to get to that point..

Posted on May 30, 2012 with 1 note